So for me this year is completely about well a mix of finding my self and expansion too. Kind of finding who I want to be and reaching for that. I have been miserable. Its sucked. I have felt bad about my self on all levels. I'm not a good enough person. Not a good enough friend. Not a good enough wife. I suck at most things and what I do have some pride in i'm mediocre at. I was beginning sentences with "I'm probably a bad person but...."
Wait why am I not good enough? Why am I bad?
The end of last year I realised who I don't want to be. I found myself saying over and over. "self, why are you not who you used to be?" The answer is that you change. You have to change its how the universe works. Even the planets and stars are not static. I can't stay the same person forever. If I dont have a clear idea of who I want to be then who I become will be unclear too. So I have made myself a planner that incorporates action, spirit and thoughts daily.
The end of last year I realised who I don't want to be. I found myself saying over and over. "self, why are you not who you used to be?" The answer is that you change. You have to change its how the universe works. Even the planets and stars are not static. I can't stay the same person forever. If I dont have a clear idea of who I want to be then who I become will be unclear too. So I have made myself a planner that incorporates action, spirit and thoughts daily.
wrote out a ton of lists of wants more of, do not wants and would like to adds. I am trying new things and getting clear on how I feel. I am with you. And I have realised in all these steps that I do not like my relationships. Most are faker than hershey chocolate (more wax than chocolate) and others are flat out toxic. I realised I needed boundaries. I have been backing down and protecting relationships from a rocking boat that well...don't deserve it. I made some promises to myself. And you don't lie to yourself so I have to keep them. I thought setting boundaries and ending relationships with people who would not respect them would feel bad. The truth is I am relieved. These people are making me feel bad about myself. I dont deserve that. Neither do you. Sometimes you just have to let go.
Have a great week and don't let it get to you!!
Have a great week and don't let it get to you!!
A big thank you to Amanda from Running with spoons for sharing her "Thursdays are for thinking out loud" writing project with us. Share some love and pay her a visit.